I've been asked a few times "how We raise our Daughter". This question always puzzles me. There are hundreds of different ways to raise a child. If we look at mainstream psychology views, there are four main types;
Authoritarian Parenting, Authoritative Parenting, Permissive Parenting, and Uninvolved Parenting. These are well and good, and not usually making head lines or controversy. Most parents (myself included, tend to naturally lead towards the Authoritative end. When you look deeper into this, you get into
Attachment parenting.
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| Tali snug against me in her Sling |
I love a lot of the principles behind it. I, at one point, was proud to call myself an Attachment Parent. I had a (mostly) un-medicated birth, I partially co-slept (if you can call it that), I breastfeed, and I use a sling for my Daughter most of the time. I've been doing a lot of reading and researching in the last year about parenting. I've started to see the way that Attachment parenting style has been contorted and changed into an almost militant life style. According to some Attachment groups, I'm a horrible mother because I birthed in a hospital, Talia sleeps in a crib, and that we sometimes use a stroller. I have caused irreparable damage by doing Sleep Training, and starting the weaning process before Talia's second birthday. (I don't believe any of this FIY) When people hear "Attachment Parent", these militant views pop into mind. I don't want to be associated with that. Nor would I ever want to contribute to another Parent feeling inadequate.
If I don't say I'm an Attachment parent, does that mean I'm a Detached Parent? Just saying that give me the shivers. I would NEVER label myself as that. It seems as though in some Mommy Circles, if you don't give your self the Attachment Parenting card, you're automatically viewed as an inferior Parent.
Why has parenting become such a controversy? Why is there a need to belittle parenting styles different than your own? I believe that if you are doing what YOU, as the parent, feel is the BEST for YOUR child, why does it need a label. Why does it need be critiqued and pulled apart to see if you are worthy of a label? Now, when I'm asked how we Raise our Daughter, I simply reply with "What ever is best for her". Being a parent is hard enough without all the harsh criticisms and judgments!
This is why I do not like psychology. Everything has a label and you're suppose to fit into a certain category, and if you don't, its like you're the worst person ever!
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing an amazing job raising tali and you shouldn't have to worry if you are parenting "correctly"
I find psychology incredibly interesting. I could read and learn about it endlessly. But I agree, there is way too much of a focus on fitting people into categories.
ReplyDeleteand Thanks for the support :)
I went through a lot of these things too with my little girl. Parenting is hard! And I've come to believe it when people say, "The bigger the kid, the bigger the problem." This stuff seems so big when you're in it, but it's such a small part of actual parenting. I've come to believe that the only thing that matters is that the family is happy with how they're functioning as a family and that no one is being harmed in the process!
ReplyDeletehttp://fosterandboo.blogspot.com/